For the last several years, in the week before my birthday, I've started feeling sad and aroused. It comes in waves. I might wake up and cry virtually naught for a half hour. Only about anything tin irritate me. I don't know why I experience these feelings. I have no "birthday trauma," I have a long list of accomplishments, and I'm non uncomfortable doing things for myself or having a special day for myself. I simply feel atrocious in the few days before and after my birthday.

This yr, I decided to inquiry the phenomenon and detect out if I was alone, and I discovered that I'm not. In fact, there are quite a few articles and Reddit posts nigh birthday depression. It's not at all uncommon. Then let'due south talk nearly it.

What is Birthday Depression?

Birthday depression is when you feel sad or depressed in the days surrounding your birthday. You might discover some of the following symptoms:

  • Feeling distressing or hopeless.
  • Feeling tired and a lack of enthusiasm or free energy.
  • Increase in anxiety.
  • Increment in irritability.
  • Experiencing a change in appetite.
  • Experiencing a change in sleep patterns.
  • Loss of interest in activities.
  • Lack of conviction in yourself.
  • Difficulty focusing and concentrating.

Why Practice Some People Feel Birthday Depression?

man with birthday depressionSocietal pressure level and expectations

Everybody expects you lot to exist happy and excited on your birthday. There's a ton of pressure to celebrate on your birthday. People wish you, "Happy birthday!" and await you lot to have a large, special, epic day – specially if it's a milestone altogether.

If you don't feel the feelings you're "supposed" to feel, people may not understand (or they might, you could be surprised). But there'south a whole lot of pressure virtually what you "should" exist feeling on your birthday.

Social media and comparison

Facebook reminds anybody to wish y'all happy birthday. All those birthday wishes piling upwards tin can serve every bit a reminder and exacerbate your feelings. Or, fewer people wishing you happy altogether than you expected or hoped for tin can atomic number 82 to feelings of sadness.

With then many points of comparison on social media, it'south non hard to find happy people celebrating birthdays, ofttimes with their families. It'due south not hard for people to compare their experience to what they come across on social media. "Why don't I experience that happy?" and "Why isn't my family a happy family unit similar that one?" nosotros think.

Birthday Trauma

For some people, growing up, nobody bothered to gloat their birthday, while effectually them, they saw kids having parties and celebrations. As an adult, the memories of those sorry birthdays can lead to birthday depression.

If your parents argued on your birthdays, the i day when you wished they wouldn't, it can atomic number 82 to birthday low. Even if they didn't fence on your birthday, but you felt the dread and worry that they would, you can feel that trauma around your birthday.

And if you lot've had a peculiarly bad altogether or a few, when things merely went horribly incorrect or the wrong person forgot, and then that can lead to birthday depression, besides.

Nostalgia

For many people, growing upwards, their families made a huge deal out of birthdays. Surrounded by all their friends and family, basking in all that attention, they felt warm and loved. Every bit adults, we don't make such a big deal out of birthdays, and many people may feel sad at the loss of those experiences.

Discomfort with being the center of attention

If y'all're an introvert, there'southward almost nothing worse than sitting at a table with a cake in forepart of you, all optics on you, with people singing, "Happy Birthday" off-key. Many of my introvert clients say that anticipating opening presents in forepart of other people and trying to brand certain y'all have the right reaction to each one can feel worse than expiry.

Questioning your accomplishments

Many folks experience birthdays every bit a time to reflect on their lives. "Is this all there is?" is often a question that comes to listen, not to mention, "I haven't done near enough to be this one-time!" Even those who are deeply accomplished feel the feeling that they haven't done nearly enough.

Feeling old

Nosotros're so unforgiving with ourselves and our appearances. While some women will post "naked face" photos (photos without makeup) on their birthdays with hashtags like, "#thisis49" and "#thisis50" these posts ultimately serve as points of comparison for other women. We enquire, "Exercise I look younger than her? Do I wait older than her? Fatter?" and nosotros berate ourselves for letting some other altogether become by without having achieved our ideal weight.

Existential crisis/the march toward decease

Speaking of feeling sometime, nosotros're all getting older, and that means somewhen we'll all die. Every birthday is some other nail in the bury. It's almost impossible to ignore that. For many people who experience altogether depression, part of their sadness comes from the inevitable march toward decease, nonexistence, and perceived irrelevance.

Dysfunctional families

Certainly if you come from or are a function of a dysfunctional family unit, y'all may wish things were different and that yous had a happier or more peaceful family unit, or a family where people could come together and show beloved and kindness toward each other.

Grieving

If you're grieving, you may experience birthday sadness because you're not celebrating with someone yous wish was there. This feeling may non become away for a very long time. My mom passed abroad in 2004, and I nonetheless wish she was here to share my birthday with me.

You might be grieving for other reasons – perhaps you're estranged from family. Maybe you wanted children you lot could never have. Maybe you lost a job you loved or maybe y'all lost a pet.

Any reason yous have for grieving, grief can lead to birthday depression.

Why Do Some People Feel Shame Effectually Birthday Depression?

Societal pressure and expectations

Y'all're not supposed to experience sad on your birthday. At that place'due south a ton of pressure to experience your birthday the way that other people are used to, and if you don't, and so you lot're expected to however act appreciative and grateful for whatsoever good wishes come up your style, fifty-fifty if they serve to brand you feel worse. If you don't actuallyfeel appreciative and grateful, you may experience ashamed and want to hibernate your birthday depression.

Placing importance on what others demand

Other people seem to need to wish you a happy birthday, and you're "supposed" to let them. People seem to need to cheer yous upward and fix what'south going on with yous, and if you feel a need to let them have what they need, you may not be honoring what y'all need. If you place a higher importance on what others need than on what you demand, you lot can experience aback of your feelings.

Feeling bad for feeling bad

Nosotros're non "supposed" to let ourselves feel bad. Nosotros're supposed to endeavour to feel improve, right? That'southward one of the slap-up lies of the personal development earth. One of the great truths is that if you lot desire to feel improve, and then you need to permit yourself "feel the bad." It is okay to feel bad sometimes, and you don't have to push it away. Order would tell y'all that you should try to push button information technology away, merely you don't have to practice that, and in fact, doing so may exist harmful to your health and well-beingness.

Worrying you lot're non normal

When you're feeling something that you don't come across other people feeling, you may worry that you're aberrant and that can lead to hiding your feelings and feeling ashamed of them.Birthday depression is common and you lot are not abnormal.

How to Manage Birthday Low

Experience your feelings.

It'southward okay for yous to experience bad. Pay attention to your feelings. If it helps, periodical about them. Lie in bed and cry. Punch a pillow when you're mad. Listen to sad songs and sing loudly (and badly) in the auto or shower. Feel it all.

(Note that it's very helpful to have a support partner who tin keep tabs on you, so that if y'all continue for as well long, they can assist you out of the abyss. My married man and I have an agreement that he's to gently assist me out if I become for longer than a calendar week or two in my altogether low funk.)

Tell your friends and family what yous're feeling and ask for support in the way you need information technology.

Permit your family know that you experience birthday low, and ask for exactly the support you lot want. Exist clear in what y'all're asking for. If you don't want to celebrate your birthday, let your family know what you do want to practise. Inquire them to back up you in the manner that yous need.

Understand that everyone may non empathise.

Even if you are clear in communicating your needs and desires, everyone may not understand. People will still tell y'all to find a way to celebrate. They'll tell you to do something special. Information technology's important to recognize that your birthday depression may make other people feel uncomfortable. They may try to cheer you lot up or fix it, and that may or may not exist what y'all need. In fact, information technology may actually brand you experience worse.

Protect yourself.

One of the ways I protect myself from people who don't understand is by avoiding social media on my altogether. I know people won't read anything I post earlier they practice their due diligence in wishing me a happy day, and then I but avoid social media altogether.

If someone sends me a carte du jour or a gift, I set up it bated until I'm ready to open it. When well-significant friends who I know don't sympathize what I'k going through, I permit their calls become to voicemail and listen to the letters another day. Remind yourself, "Information technology's my birthday, I get to protect myself and have the day of my choosing."

Program ahead and be intentional about how yous celebrate – do what works for you.

I don't mean that yous should have a fully-planned day with a political party. I mean that you should be intentional well-nigh your day, otherwise others may decide for you. If you want to snuggle upward in a blanket and watch Netflix all solar day, let people know that's your plan. If y'all desire to work through the day, then schedule your workday. The point is, don't let your birthday happento you. Make your birthday workfor you.

Practice active self-intendance – take a long bathroom, lookout your favorite show, eat comfort food, and have a drinking glass of wine. Requite yourself permission to exercise whatever is healthiest for you on this day.

Determine if yous want to reschedule your birthday.

This is my item favorite in recent years. I simply reschedule my birthday for another day when I will feel more than like jubilant, usually the following week. When yous reschedule your birthday, you're just picking a random day later the menstruation of fourth dimension when y'all're feeling horrible, a twenty-four hours when you may feel more than like being with family and friends. In fact, y'all can even say, "I prefer non to celebrate my altogether, but I would love to accept a regular, nice dinner with y'all next week."

Recollect your mantra: "It's my birthday, I get to protect myself and accept the twenty-four hours of my choosing."

Plan a special day for yourself – or exercisesomething for yourself, even if it's not on the actual 24-hour interval.

One of the reasons why people are uncomfortable with birthdays is they uncomfortable doing special things for themselves.It is okay for you to have something special for you and only you. So I recommend that you program something special for yourself- not simply on your birthday, simply regularly – so that you begin to become used to special things for you lot and only you. You are worthy of something special. We all are. And that includes y'all.

Face your age and bloodshed

We're all getting older, every day. Information technology's not but on your altogether that you're older. You're older every minute, every day.

One of the things we fear most mortality is that nosotros'll disappear and never have mattered.

I recommend that you go on an email folder for emails when people tell you lot that you mattered or that they appreciated something you did, and then that you lot can reverberate on those emails and remind yourself that you do affair. Every act of kindness, every moment when nosotros exercise good in the earth, no matter how modest, information technology's a moment when we matter.

Few of us get to exist remembered or memorialized like famous authors, composers, or historical figures. If you lot really need to be remembered in that way, go great on how you're going to change the world. Otherwise, call back almost how you tin can matter to at to the lowest degree one person each day or each week – whatever works for you.

Do something that helps someone else.

Birthdays tin exist hard. They're certainly difficult for me. I promise some of these ideas have helped you get through your birthday a niggling easier. Writing this post and thinking that peradventure I'll help someone past having written it has helped me feel a little ameliorate on this birthday. Maybe there's something you tin can practice on your birthday that will brand someone else's life better. If you tin, that but might practice the trick.