He Left Me Because His Family Does Not Like Me

September 14, 2018 at 9:06 am #225641

I was in a human relationship for 7 years. I am 6 years older to him. When we started off I was 32 and he was 26. He introduced me to his parents at the start  and they liked me. All the same, during the 2^nd year of our relationship he  communicated my historic period to them and they were not happy.

1 day his mother called me and told to stop the matter since they're not happy with my historic period and nosotros might have bug afterward and I can't accept children and make him happy coz I'm older. I was really hurt b'coz I loved him and then much. I explained him about his mom'due south telephone call and wanted to suspension up but he didn't let me go. He's also sensitive and he told that he would do something to himself  if I leave him. And then I didn't want to injure him and since I loved him we continued without knowing to our families.

only we had arguments on a regular ground due to this issue and I e'er wanted him to terminate this but he didn't heed. Finally this year I had to have a decision. All these years I refused all the proposals that I got from my family unit bcoz I loved him. Since he didn't get out me my mom chosen  his parents and told that he's' bothering me thereafter things got worst for him and his family started pressurizing him. 1 solar day his Father called and threatened me request to stop all connections with him. I was terrified coz it wasn't me who was hanging on to him though I love him so much I always wanted him to go out me coz I didn't want him to get into trouble bcoz of me.

So during the past few months he told me to discover someone else and marry and until I get married he too can't go settled in life. I was very hurt to hear this from him from the person whom I  love so much wants me to get and marry someone else. I affair was clear for me that he loves me but seems similar he doesn't want to ally me bcoz of his parents. As per him either I should be with him in a relationship forever like this or else I accept to ally someone else. Both means sounds very selfish for me coz how can I stay in a relationship with him which does non atomic number 82 anywhere and on the other hand how tin I marry someone else when I beloved him then much. I Actually don't want everyone coz I can't retrieve of anyone else simply he keeps pressurizing me to get married to someone presently. Finally I told him permit's forget others and get married but then he said he tin can do only if anything happens to his female parent since she'due south likewise sensitive even he volition not live. I feel I'thou torcherured emotionally by everyone how can I inquire him to marry me when he keeps saying things similar that which would affect his family.  I was very hurt am I such a bad choice for him for his mother to react that mode.

24-hour interval by solar day I feel he has inverse a lot. Now he has come to a point where he doesn't want me at all just I think he'due south keeping in touch on and checking on me considering he only feels sorry for me. I am very injure coz I feel stop of the solar day he only desire to dump me somewhere into someone so that he tin make up his mind and fulfill his parents wishes. infact he told me he will end up with someone he doesn't dearest bcoz of his parents and equally long equally the girl is younger to him they don't care anything else. so he said that he volition marry a younger person aught else matters to him and others are responsible for his happiness. Besides he told me I have been accusing his family several times and hes non happy with it, I actually didn't accuse I told him to stay away from me and marry someone they want whenever I tell that he blames me maxim I'g cursing his family. also he told me no matter what they say and do I need to keep my oral cavity shut without accusing cursing them. I would have said certain things bcoz I was hurt but I never cursed anyone every bit such the way hes portraiting me. I simply told him that they are been selfish and how tin can they treat me this way.

Im seriously helpless I miss him then much since I take only my mom. My father passed abroad terminal year and all iv of my siblings lives overseas. I feel and then solitary and depressed and clueless every bit what should I practise coz end of the twenty-four hours I experience that I was not proficient plenty for him and I have cursed his parents and all the blame is on me whereas I loved him honestly and even so I practice and I ever want the best to happen to him, I am very sad that he left me for his family. Please adv

September xv, 2018 at 8:30 am #225785

Dear risha:

Yeah, he left you for his Parents, just like y'all wrote in the title of your thread. Yous wrote Parents with a capital P. Indeed a child does view his/ her parents equally Gods. Fifty-fifty though your at present ex boyfriend is an adult, he still views his parents as gods. What are the chances of a mortal like you lot to exist heard when the Gods vocalisation their control…

Here is the reason why marrying him would have been a bad, bad thought for you: "he told me no affair what they say and do I need to continue my mouth shut… I merely told him they are been selfish and how can they treat me this way"

If you married him, he would have continued to insist that you submit to his parents' abuse, that yous accept and endure whatever mistreatment they chose for you.

I understand that y'all miss him and that you are lonely, but at to the lowest degree you lot are not submitting to abuse, at least yous are non owned by his parents.

I promise you mail again with your thoughts and feelings and I do promise you feel better soon.

anita

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by anita.

September 16, 2018 at v:16 am #225843

Hi Anita,

Thank you very much for your kind words. Yep I totally hold with yous and that's why I didn't wanna go between him and his parents bcoz he respects and loves his parents a lot. but due to this issues there were plenty of times where I hurt him by blocking him and ignoring his calls and mesaages  merely no matter what I exercise he tries to somehow reach me simply this year april I went overseas for two weeks to my brothers place and i shut him off entirely and he couldn't contact me anyway. once I came he was terrified and he cried and told he went through a lot and suffered a lot coz I blocked him.

therafter I saw some changes but still he kept in touch. even so yesterday was the worst day in my life. he messaged me and told he got a proposal and the horoscopes are matching n that hes gonna get married. he sent me motion picture of girl who comes for a project piece of work to our office. he said he was gonna go married to her north to forget him. I didn't believe him coz I thought he was trying to gain attention coz deep downwardly my middle I knew he will never leave me for someone else other than his parents. just unfortunately he sent few screen shots of the chat where that girl says she loves him n etc. I was very hurt and shocked.

he told she likes him a lot n they started chatting while I was overseas since he had nobody n frustrated he had been having conversations with her.

my whole world fell apart I know our relashionship had bug bcoz of his parents northward I wanted him to get out me but I didn't await a girl to come between united states of america that fast. he has been chatting since april and he decides to marry her and both his parents and her parents havae approved. I didn't know what to do or say whereas I was with him for seven years and he couldn't do whatever justice to me. how far does he know her to decide shes his life partner. I was very injure didn't expect this from him he just dumped me only like that told me that hes sorry and to forgive him and he volition always love me. I merely wished him good luck and walked out with a lot of questions in my mind.

how did he modify so fast? how can he forget me and he has been chatting with her behind my dorsum. he told he decided to move coz he wanted me to detest him then that I as well find someone and movement so I had to say thanks very much for everything eventhough it was so hurtful.

even afterwards his parents disagreed he was nonetheless true-blue to me and he never left me but afterward he met this girl how can he make up one's mind to move and so rapidly I'm really sad I was up whole night crying I blocked him and I was crying and fifty-fifty today I cant make up my mind as how could he change and how can he move on leaving me alone after 7 years. did he have to await 7 years to this to me. I don't know if I led him the path to reach her coz during the fourth dimension ignored thats where he got connected to her. I don't kknow if am to arraign me or blame him. but my life has been a nightmare since concluding night. I don't want to go to office I don't desire to do anything else I don't desire to face up the word. just want to sit and cry cry and cry coz I miss him so much . please help need some advice to overcome coz I experience blamimg myself too and I roughshod hes taken revenge from me for ignoring me

September xvi, 2018 at 6:49 am #225849

Honey risha:

I will summarize your story as yous shared it here beginning, and and so I will offer y'all my thoughts:

You are now 39, your ex young man is 33. You've been in a human relationship with him for seven years (32-39). His parents disapproved of the human relationship early on when they found out that y'all are older than him. His female parent called you one day and told you to end the relationship with her son. You lot told your boyfriend about the call but he didn't want to end the relationship, threatening to hurt himself if you concluded it. And then, the relationship connected in secret.

Simply there were "arguments on a regular footing" between the two of you lot. Your family unit suggested that you run across other men they had in heed for y'all, but you refused their proposals considering you lot loved your then boyfriend. Your mother then chosen his mother and told her that he is bothering you. Next, his mother and male parent, aware that the relationship was still ongoing, pressured him to end it. His father called y'all and threatened you "to finish all connections with him", with his son, that is.

Next, during the past few months, your boyfriend told you "to notice someone else and marry" so that he too will get married, to someone else.

Finally you told him, "let'southward forget others and become married"!  He so suggested to you that if he married you, his mother who is "too sensitive" may get sick or die, and then he will not be able to live himself.

When you lot told him that his parents are selfish and care for you badly, and expressed your anger at them,  he told you that "no mater what they (his parents) say and exercise I demand to keep my mouth shut".

During the relationship you repeatedly "hurt him by blocking him and ignoring his calls and letters", simply "no affair what I do", you wrote, "he tries to somehow reach me". April this twelvemonth you blocked him again and once once again, "he was terrified and he cried and told he went through a lot and suffered a lot coz I blocked him".

Yesterday he messaged you that he is going to marry a particular adult female who works in his role, He told you lot that he was chatting with her since Apr and that "both his parents and her parents accept approved".

You lot asked: "how did he change and so fast? How can he forget me and he has been chatting with her behind my back.. even after his parents disagreed he was still faithful to me and he never left me but afterwards he met this girl how tin can he make up one's mind to move so quickly.. I don't know if am to blame me or blame him… I feel blaming myself too and I felt he's taken revenge from me for ignoring him".

At present my input: in that location was no way this relationship could have ended in matrimony. His parents were against it and he wouldn't have married y'all against his mother's wishes. He was clearly emotionally attached to y'all and continued the relationship with you but y'all were equally fastened to him as well.

When you blocked him and stopped answering his messages, you did so not because you lot wanted to stop the relationship, just because you wanted to cause him to ally you lot. Y'all tried to dispense him this style, to cause him to suffer and then, to motivate him to marry you.

Again, my indicate is that he wouldn't have married you no matter what you did, not as long as his parents, particularly his female parent, was against the marriage. Your manipulative blocking/ ignoring him didn't help or injure your goal of marrying him.

It looks similar he was aware that y'all needed him as much as he needed you, that you were attached to him as strongly as he was attached to you, and maybe he was a scrap less attached to you than you lot were to him, somewhen, so he wanted you to marry someone else, so that he won't feel guilty about marrying someone else himself.

What do y'all call back/ feel at this point?

anita

September 16, 2018 at 2:xxx pm #225957

Hi Anita,

Yes you take summarized my story perfectly and yes I did feel the aforementioned thing when he apply to preasurise me to marry someone else. I felt that he wanted me to settle commencement and movement on so that he don't feel guilty of marrying someone else himself later.

it really hurts me Anita. but during the unabridged relashionship he was the person who was always showing emotions equally how much he loves me and needs me but I had o bottle up all my feelings by myself and I couldn't limited my love to him freely due to the issues we had. simply he would never  understand the love and amore I had in my centre. sometimes I felt his dearest was kind of selfish too. I did my best to back up me in every aspect of his life but I felt he was blaming me that I was non good plenty. merely then why was he with me so long. were he trying for other options while he was with me. now that he found is perfect match he decided to walk out.

I don't know but its as well much for me. we're in two unlike religions. Hes a Buddhist and I am a Muslim, In my culture its very diificult o find a life partner at the age of 39. even if I do I know I cannot changed my mind so quickly I just cant imagine my life with someone else. I simply want to walk out from everything only I have my Mom at home whom I have to accept care of. her Wellness condition is likewise not adept.

to be honest though I am 39 I look very much younger than my historic period which I believe its a Gods souvenir.  I look equally if I am in my mid twenties. Virtually of the younger boys tries to arroyo me coz they're not aware of my historic period. The girl whom he has contacts with is 28 years former merely she looks very much older than her historic period and older to me. I'yard not crtizising  nigh anyones looks but this is what I run into. couple of weeks back he told me randomly don't crtisize if you lot see whom I would be in the future. you all will be in shock. I never took his words seriously at that fourth dimension.

Also Anita I really don't like to get to work coz to be honest I'm very much isolated and don't take any friends. in my entire relashionship he never let me associate with anybody at piece of work. I was not immune to talk to any boys if I practise he use to charge me a lot and and so say he was trying to protect me. when it comes to girls even if I had to hang out he doesn't permit me saying you lot're hanging out with them and trying to see other guys. so I couldn't tolerate the arguments and he was important to me more than anyone. so I don't mingle with anyone much. even at work he was the only person I associate with and I didnt feel the need of hanging out with anyone coz I got all the attention and love from him to the maximum. but in the recent times I noticed he has been adding lots of girls on social media on his profiles and contacts with everyone. He does all what he wants to do and restricts me in everything.

Also he has messaged i of my sister and told that he has been protecting me like our father and wether hes right or incorrect I cannot remain single and he has blamed my family for not taking intendance of me and that I'grand notwithstanding single is because they oasis't done any justice for me to give me in union. I was shocked to read information technology. I mean my family unit is my strength they are my life they support me in every mode and they love me. but they were quiet at this point coz all what matter them was my happiness, they knew how much I loved him and liked him. they never forced me into anyone though they brought me whatever proposals only they are also suffering that I'm not settled in life. His unabridged msg for my sis was blaming me and my family nothing what he did and how his parents treated me. and he asked my sister to convince me to get settled with someone. my sis had asked him what he wants to do and he has told that he wants to move out. so she told me non to keep any hopes on him coz his entire msg says he wants to move out which is hurting me.

Now that hes gone I don't want to become to work I don't have anybody to talk with I will miss him so much. I am doing a really proficient job higher than him and am paid higher than him just I want to leave this place coz of the memories no friends no peace of mind etc. but at 39 I'g scared to take any risk information technology will be quite difficult to observe a skillful place and correct now I cant afford to get out my job. I am with a heavy heart where I cannot find happiness from any function of my life. I am unable to weep at home coz I don't want to hurt my mom but she kind of know the story and quite hurt.

I am very hurt I experience so alone and clueless equally what to do in life but I practise know that I need a modify but have no strength to retrieve of anything. Also I deceit tolerate the fact that he has contact with this girl he must be messaging her equally how he did to me. how can he do this to me he was everything for me and I notwithstanding believe it.

September sixteen, 2018 at 6:59 pm #225981

risha,

I am sorry for your pain.  I advise yous non to make any changes in your life while yous are in such emotional turmoil.

In my (American) culture, people in their 30s and across make their ain love partner decisions.  We practice not become our parents to call and threaten the other family.  Emotional independence is valued specially when it is between adult child and parent.

It is academic now to get over your past relationship.  And you are too hurting to look to the future equally of yet.  It is fourth dimension for healing and recovery.

I would recommend journalling about your pain and how your relationship affected you.  This not only will assist the healing process but besides the self-reflective one every bit well.  It is good to gain a perspective on what your role played into this outcome.  Writing reflectively helps to proceeds that perspective

Mediate on your loneliness and grief.  It has been proven if you sit with your emotions, it is easier to allow go.

Mark

September 17, 2018 at ix:43 am #226067

Dear risha:

Reads to me that he is selfish and self serving and has been so all along. I don't think he has whatsoever business concern calling your sister and telling your family unit what they should have or shouldn't have washed with you, regarding marriage. He has no qualification to place him in the … father position in your family or any family, other than him having been built-in male.

He liked you very much, was emotionally fastened to you.. loved you his way, which ways in a selfish, cocky serving way. Which is not really dear. In his futurity marriage he is likely to exist selfish and self serving as well, just equally he would have been if he married you.I sympathize you lot feeling hurt and lonely.

I effigy better you continue your employment or find another but go on working. Permit him know that his calls to anyone in your family is not welcomed. Have no contact with him, is my suggestion. If yous would similar me to comment on anything you lot shared that I didn't address, allow me know what it is and I will address information technology. Otherwise, delight post over again with your thoughts and feelings and I would be glad to reply to you lot anytime.

anita

September 17, 2018 at nine:02 pm #226117

Honey Mark,

Tthank you very much for your suggest and yes I should effort to write my emotions coz I still cant think of anything as how to overcome it. Day by day I experience my life is getting miserable and I'chiliad going under low. I hope and pray I could recover soon coz unable to concentrate on anything, lost my appetite, distress, calendar week, etc etc.

September 18, 2018 at 12:48 am #226137

Cheers Anita your words are helping me a lot. I met him yesterday and spoke to him face to face up and told him that I am willing to ally him as how he wanted without his parents permission. I really wanted to know if he would do information technology coz information technology was me he who was refusing to continue without their permission. And then he said he can do that coz I was important to him, but he needs to find a tactful mode to turn down the other proposal and he said he will try his best to do it and I was happy. after I came dwelling he chosen me and said a different story saying  both parents agreed to meet tomrw and I'grand unable to practise anything or stop this. then I told him to open up upwards and tell his parents that hes not happy with this girl and he cannot proceed and then he said firmly sorry I cannot practice that coz if I do my  mom will injure herself so I'grand sorry fifty-fifty if u go injure I accept no pick u demand to understand it. I never expected such a rude argument from him and to be frank at present information technology is clear for me that all these were his drama . he knew if he bring his parents into pic I wouldn't agree at all so he used that to get rid of our marriage.

I actually don't mind if he wanted to motility from me simply the mode he handled things and the style he communicated it to me is non fair at all.

I don't know sometimes I feel adept sometimes I terminate upwards crying. I hope I recover presently

Only later on yesterdays run into I'yard very clear that hes not worth my effort coz he looked very gulty yestersay

September eighteen, 2018 at 6:34 am #226155

Love risha:

It is out of your command then. He is who he is and volition not marry you. So what are you to do other than move on?

Larn all you tin from the feel. So go on. If you practice want to get married, and in the Muslim religion or culture, a 39 year old woman is likewise old to get married (no matter how young she looks), well, maybe y'all tin can meet and marry a man who does not share this belief or sentiment. There are such men.

Better find out commencement, if and when you meet some other homo, what he believes..  before you invest more of your time and hopes. If the man believes you are besides erstwhile to ally, don't date him. If he cares what his Parents believe, so go out him to his parents.

I hope you feel better soon. Post anytime you'd like and I'll be glad to reply to you.

anita

September 18, 2018 at 5:08 pm #226235

How-do-you-do Anita,

I really don't know what to do. when it comes to marriage I feel I have totally given up coz I loved him and so much and I observe it difficult to imagine my life with someone else. information technology might accept a long time for me to heal. Only with my age I don't remember I have time to waste or to await for a expert lucifer.

And then I only feel to remain this way only I know if am to be single I cannot live in my land coz the preassure that I get from my family, relations, friends will drive me crazy. Equally everyone's question would be as when I am getting married.

I will await for options to motion out totally to a different place where there's nobody that I know. but before that I have to make some arrangements to my mom. Since only myself and my mom is living here I can send her to one of my siblings and go along wherever I accept to go and once I am settled I can always take her dorsum to me.

Actually my family is very supportive and I can e'er go and live with them and they are ready to wait me. Only hey have their ain lives and I don't want to be a burden to anyone coz I was always a independent person.

I actually appreciate you kindness for  communicating with me and been in that location for me. your words and advise really helped me a lot Anita.

I will keep you posted for whatever updates and how I feel. U take care. Loads of Dearest.

Risha

September nineteen, 2018 at 4:08 am #226293

Dear Risha:

Y'all are very welcome. Your plan to move away reads like a good plan to me.

You wrote: "I loved him so much and I find it difficult to imagine my life with someone else"- the post-obit occurred to me as I read your judgement and information technology might be a good idea: practise imagine. What if you airtight your eyes while listening to romantic music and imagine yourself interacting with a different man, maybe a motion picture star yous similar. Just imagine the human being taking you out to dinner, looking at you with love and respect, and  so along.

Would you like to attempt it and tell me how it goes?

anita

September 19, 2018 at 10:15 am #226323

Hi Anita

I did try what u told but unfortunately it didn't work 🙁 I hateful I imagined my favourite movie star but I felt nothing imagined a good friend again its blank. My only wish is him – My ex.  its so sad that I take to address him as my ex at present. I just feel that nothing makes me happy. and to be honest Anita I dearest music and these days I don't mind to any kind of music. whenever I hear a song I get into a sad mood. I try my best to avert listening.

I actually dunno how am I gonna leave of this mess and so sad that he left me with so much pain and pretends as if I never existed in his life

September 19, 2018 at 10:25 am #226325

Dear Risha:

I am glad yous tried. You lot feel and then  sad. We experience sad when nosotros lose something that was important to us. When nosotros miss a person information technology is not all well-nigh missing who that person was, only what the person represented for us. We lose our hopes and dreams when a relationship ends. Oft information technology is not what it was that we lose but what information technology could accept been if only… if only he was dissimilar.

Hopes and dreams are powerful. Maybe you can endeavor something different, share hither your hopes and dreams, those that you lost when this relationship ended. Print away whatever thoughts and images you have, those lost. If you can and desire to, of class.

I volition be away from the estimator for about an hour, and volition be back to read from you, if you lot mail by and then.

anita

September 19, 2018 at iii:55 pm #226371

I really don't know Anita I feel so weak mentally and physically, I was merely wondering what have I been doing for so long, my entire 30'due south were wasted with him. I got to know him when I was 31 our relashionship started when I was 32 and I was entirely committed to him and I was totally blind as how time passed and what ive missed.

I sometimes feel I want to consult a phycology I want to get out of this mess coz I feel I deceit eat drink or sleep or concentrate on anything. my iblings have been supportive to me with regard to this matter they talk to me console me but zilch matters I'1000 still finding difficult to motility on. I just desire to go somewhere far away and do cipher. I wish if this earth come to an end I feel I don't belong to this earth.

a person who treated me so proficient accept made me feel unwanted today. how can he move on with someone by giving so much pain to me. how can someone else exist and then important to him more than than me.

what I did was a sacrifice to him and his family simply finally this what I become all the hurt and sufferings. he could have handled this in a unlike style

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